Elliot’s Jump Off “Kristen”

This whole Elliot Spitzer paying for hoes has brought prostitution to the mainstream, wait didn’t Pretty Woman do that? Anyway, this whole “scandal” got me thinking, would I pay for sex if I had a family and was the governor of New York. Right away, my first reaction is hell no. I have a strict policy of not paying for sex, lap dancing or just spending any money on a chick for sexual favors (MOB). And it’s not because I have some high morality, but mostly because I’m a cheap bastard and would rather game a chick to do all that good stuff to me (I have such an ego). But let’s put ourselves in Elliot’s size 9 pair of Hermès loafers.

Imagine if you will your Elliot Spitzer, a 50 year old white guy that looks like that Gollum from Lord of the Rings. You’ve spent a good part of your career putting away the Italian mob, white collar dickheads, and Dj’s taking payola. Your basically a model citizen. Your wife runs a friggen charity for kids and your living the stereotypical American dream. All is well in the kingdom.

Except, when your “cool” lawyer buddy (whose divorced for his 3rd time) throws his 45th birthday at a high priced strip club and you happen to have a magical exchange of glances with a high priced prostitute named “Kristen”. You probably even convince yourself she doesn’t suck nuts for dollars and in some twisted heroic way you believe you can even save her from her life as a $2000 dollar hoe. Looking at her your feeling as if your in high school again, you have hearts in your eyes and “that feeling” that you haven’t had in years returns. You have puppy love for a hoe and your listening to that Lil Wayne song singing to yourself, “I wouldn’t care if you was a prostitute and you hit every man you knew…”.

Now keep in mind you’ve got money as your the governor of New York and your daddy owns half of the city and your wife ain’t giving you none and if she did you would probably barf since she looks like Gollum too. Now wouldn’t you throw $5000 ones on that trick?

I would, but I would still try and game Kristen so I wouldn’t have to blatantly wire money from my bank account into hers. Yeah like the alphabet boys wont notice that. But I know, Elliot wasn’t thinking right, he was in love. Imagine Esther Baxter was giving it up for a stack, I would take out a loan just to make it rain on that azz.