What Club DJs Need to Start Doing in 2009

That’s it I’ve had enough. Considering I’ve clubbed like crazy over the holiday season I have to vent about club deejays. Over the last few days I’ve had a chance to check out the biggest deejays in my city and quite possibly the country do their thing (and yes they shall remain nameless). For the most part they’ve done a decent job of dropping some good sets, however, there is just some shit they need to stop doing and get their f*cking act right. This is more like a YoDeejays! type post.

1. For godsakes, please stop playing that Faith Evans/Fat Man Scoop/Love Like This mix. Do you know how much I hate that shit right now? I will cry if I even have to say it is “played the f*ck out”. While you’re at it also axe the Busta Rhymes “All my real live niggas throw ya hands up” mix as well.

2. Retire: Mim’s This Is Why I’m Hot. This song was the biggest fluke hit a few years back and is probably one of the gayest songs ever made, it ranks up their with YMCA. Any DJ that goes into this at the club loses all credibility with me instantly. There are so many hits to choose from, stop being lazy!!!!!

3. When you do a reggae set is it really necessary for your MC to put on a faux Jamaican accent? The whole night he’s talked normal and then when reggae comes on he thinks he’s Bounty Killa but really is more like Shaggy -who incidentally is a huge poser.

4. When a fight breaks out in the club “shut the f*ck up”. Please don’t go on the mic and make some gay ass speech about peace and love and how black people need to unite. This is a club, not the million man march. I just came to hit up some whores, get drunk and possibly punch out a few haters in the process. If you’re so adamant about stopping a fight go jump in and stop it, otherwise leave that job up to the bouncers.

5. Please stop trying to get me to chant with you. I’m not going to say “We don’t need no water let the motherf*cker burn” when you tell me the roof’s on fire. If the roof’s on fire I ain’t trying to stay in here and do some 80’s chant with you trying to get cool points for being nostalgic.

6. You are not the alpha male. You know a lot of club djs are homos as it is. But their hypemen are even bigger douchebags. These are the guys that graduated from handing out flyers who hooked up with an “up and coming” dj and now gets to live his wet dream of being a club mcee.

7. Break records. Djs need to grow balls. If you’re are deejay that doesn’t “put on” for your city by playing the hottest songs in your area code and instead relies on top 40 you are not a dj, you are winamp. And the rappers in your city need to chin check you.

8. Give us a show. Please we the people want you to do some cutting and scratching even 10 minutes out of your whole set will tell us that you are not some fly-by-night hack but someone who deserves to entertain us.

9. This is a common problem among the younger deejays these days and that’s playing a song for too damn long. Most songs in a club won’t work after the first chorus hits so why are you letting that shit run? All that tells me is you have no idea what to play next and likely going to run “This Is Why I’m Hot” any moment followed by that Faith Evans/Love Like This/Fat Man Scoop montage.

10. I know I’m going to get death threats for this one. But it is time to retire Juicy. Yes it is the greatest song of all time. But most of yall deejays act like it’s MC Hammer’s Can’t Touch This and play it whenever as if it’s nothing. Juicy is a special song and should only be played at special moments in the night if at all. If you’re a dj that knows what you are doing (and you probably ain’t if you read this far), you’ll know when and how to play the Biggie card.