Review: 0 out of 5

Best Song: Use the album as a frisbee.

This is the worst album in recorded history. (The very fact, I had to subject myself to reviewing this album, should make you come to this site everyday, as it shows how far I’m willing to go for all of you). Apparently, someone thought that it was a good idea to make an album composed entirely using fruity loops (sorry FL Studio) software. Anyone familiar with FL knows that any beat made using that software sounds very “tiny” and “rigid”, in comparison to production using hardware such as the Triton keyboard or the MPC. To top it off, Soulja Boy uses all the signature sounds (read: cheesy-over-used sounds) from the software such as on his latest hit (hopefully last) “Crank Dat” where the ubber-cheesy “steal drum” sound is used. Although, I do admit I would love to “superman that hoe” and that this album at times is a guilty pleasure for its sheer ignorance, this is still the worst rap album to ever be released. The internet age generation has taken over hip hop and this is the bi-product. Myspace rappers rejoice. Check the breakdown if only for entertainment purposes.

1. Intro
I actually thought my cd was skipping. This is the worst intro to anything ever. Listen to Nas’s intro to “It Was Written” in order to recover from this. Every cheesy sound from FL Studio is used here.

2. Crank Dat
This is the club hit right now as I’m sure I would probably “crank that Soulja Boy” (no homo) if I was liquored up on the dance floor too. He even sounds like he’s drunk on here, slurring words, and making short words longer “youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu”. My mom heard this song and started cussing, so I guess thats the allure in an Elvis Presley sorta way.

3. Sidekick
T-mobile had better have paid for this commercial, because he goes into an in-depth product review on the T-mobile 3 even discussing the virtues of t-mail. I know, insane. But he even raps, “Man I can’t believe that I’m rappen’ about a phone, but what you wont believe is I wrote this song”. WTF. This just in, hip hop is dead.

4. Snap and Roll
This song is like one long chorus. Again another classic fruity loop beat that anyone could make using the software. I couldn’t make it to the end of the song as I don’t like being shouted at.

5. Bapes feat. Arab
This is fruity loops production as it was meant to be. Extra cheesy. This song is all about telling Arab about Japanese clothing brand “Bathing Apes” or “Bapes” as it is commonly referred. Soulja Boy chants, “I got me some bathing apes” over and over again, okay I get it, you got some bathing apes. I now can see why so many people got mad at me for telling Common to step his rap game up. But if Soulja Boy is referring to his shoes (which is evident from the “Crank Dat” video, they are actually called “bapestas”. Where is this kid’s handlers?

6. Let Me Get Em
Here Soulja Boy does his best Young Bloods impression over a beat that sounds like Lil’ John made it using fruity loops. The gun shot effects in this will give you a migraine. Be warned.

7. Donk
Headache continues. Mr. Collipark, responsible for The Ying Yang twins, has tried to channel the “retarded” magic of the twins into Soulja Boy. Sadly, this music is so awful it is unbearable to listen to. You have to be drunk to enjoy this. By the way this song is about a girl’s ass.

8. Yahhh! feat. Arab
This beat sounds alot better when put in contrast to the last two disasters. And at least Arab, who I don’t think is Arabic, actually has some what of a coherent flow here. Then the hook comes in with random “YARS trick YAR” which actually sounds jokes. I think it’s pretty understood this album wont be in contention for a Grammy.

9. Pass it to Arab feat. Arab
Another classic fruity loop beat. This time Arab takes over the mic, he sounds a little tougher than Soulja Boy, but still follows Soulja Boy’s sing-songy flow pattern.
Best line: “17 years old and we took over the whole show”.

10. Soulja Boy feat. I-15
This is the prerequisite “girl” record. It’s actually listenable compared to the other songs on the album, I just wish they toned down on the use of Lil’ John’s synths here. I-15 strangely sounds like Sisquo.

11. Booty Meat
OMG. This is truly the end of hip hop. I’m officially taking this site down. This is the most fruity loop sounding beat ever, this song and album sound like a demo, but its an actual release on a major record label! This song is about booty meat, I don’t think this song will be remembered other than for the fact of introducing the phrase “booty meat” into the hip hop lexicon, or maybe just mine. Shake ya booty meat bitch!

12. Report Card
Borrowing Rich Boy’s “Throw some D’s” vocal sample, Soulja Boy one day receives his report card and disgusted with the F’s he’s received, he advises his teacher to “throw some d’s on that”. You know those BET “Hip hop Vs America” shows, we need a “Hip hop vs Soulja Boy” show or even a “Hip Hop vs Soulja Boy vs America” show.

13. She Thirsty
Soulja Boy does his best Young Joc karaoke here. Song very similar to the minimalist approach taking on the Ying Yang’s “Wait (The Whisper Song)” and the blatant rip off by David Banner “Play”, but not nearly as bearable.

14. Don’t Get Mad
Unlike previous teen-rappers who have all come and gone just as fast as their album’s were put together, Soulja Boy is trying to differentiate himself by playing ambassador to the internet generation. He states, “don’t get mad cause the kids like me”. At the end of the song, there are even little kids as young as five arguing over how much Soulja Boy is their favorite rapper. When I was five I was listening to Wu, this is truly the end of civilization. Goodbye.